I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
