If that was your dad, he is hot
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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