If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
