i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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