did you get engaged???
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
