i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
