So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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