Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
