just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
