I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
