the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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