Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
