I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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