I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
