Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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