This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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