This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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