I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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