Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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