Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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