I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
