I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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