look no pants
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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