somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
