i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
