made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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