What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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