How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
