found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
