where am i from again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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