In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
