Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
