i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
