Midget sex pt 2 tonight
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize