there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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