dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
