I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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