oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
