My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize