At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
