We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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