.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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