listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize