i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
