Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh god it's open bar.
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