Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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