where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
When are your genitals available?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
