i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Text me some of your sweat
So apparently I’m into choking now
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
