it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize