Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
dude. I can hear the air.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
