in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
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