Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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