you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
