Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
