the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize