took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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