I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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