Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
