I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize