What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
