Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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