her vagine was all disorganized.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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