Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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