Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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