Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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