dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I look better un-naked...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
