remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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