I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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