I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
