I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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