i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
