im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
