you guys were way drunker than both of me
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm like, not good at living.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
