i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
