A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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