After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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