I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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