STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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