I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
