You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
