I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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