I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
