Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Randomize
