Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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