I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
