My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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