Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Randomize
