upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
