he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
