he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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