Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
