Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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