I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
