i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
